Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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