we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
