He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
