I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
