i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
