Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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