My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize