It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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