she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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