spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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