if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
