Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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