I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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