My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
