too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You can't just leave with hair like that
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
