It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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