dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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