i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
i out mim tonsoeep
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