We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize