they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Can Purell be used as lube?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
