you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
