I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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