So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
