I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
