life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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