she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
