OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
A bitchslap is in order.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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