He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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