ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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