you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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