This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
