$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
