What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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