she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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