R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
