Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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