Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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