Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
