He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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