His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
