doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize