i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
