so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think your dad took our porno
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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