I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My bed smells like the plague
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
