I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
