Pants 0. Shit 1.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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