I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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