I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
