If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
