I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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