I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
