Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
