He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
