I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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