I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
