I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
