i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
