It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
