We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
