I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
