she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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