Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
