There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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