I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
