Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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