i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
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