My boss' voice literally gives me gas
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
