Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
