I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
