The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
