went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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