So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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